The holidays arrive with invitations to give thanks. We see them on greeting cards, around dinner tables, and in the cheerful messages filling our phones.
But sometimes, the invitation reaches us during a difficult chapter.
There may be an empty chair at the table. A relationship may feel uncertain. Financial pressures may have changed what we can afford this year. We may be caring for someone we love while quietly wishing someone would ask how we are doing.
In those moments, “be grateful” can feel like another expectation to meet.
Perhaps you have something to be thankful for and something to grieve. Perhaps you love the season and feel overwhelmed by it.
There is room for all of that.
Let gratitude begin with honesty
We sometimes assume that gratitude should change how we feel immediately. We name our blessings, then wonder why we are still sad, worried, or tired.
Yet acknowledging something good does not erase everything difficult.
You can appreciate the people who showed up for you and still feel hurt by someone who did not. You can be thankful for your home and concerned about paying the bills. You can celebrate a new opportunity while grieving what it took to reach it.
Try giving both experiences a place in the same sentence.
“I am grateful for the people who love me, and I miss someone deeply.”
“I am thankful for what I have, and this season has been hard.”
You do not have to edit your experience into something more cheerful before you are allowed to express gratitude.
Notice something small and specific
When life feels heavy, a broad question such as “What are you thankful for?” may be difficult to answer.
Start closer to where you are.
Was there a message that made you feel remembered? Did someone help with an errand? Was there a song you enjoyed, a warm meal, or a few quiet minutes before the day began?
Small things deserve our attention because they are part of our lives, too.
Perhaps your gratitude today is simply, “My friend called, and I did not have to pretend I was fine.”
That is enough to write down.
Make space for the people you miss
For some of us, the holidays carry memories that feel especially close. Familiar food, music, and traditions can bring comfort and sadness together.
If it feels right, give those memories a place.
Prepare a favorite recipe. Tell a story about someone you love. Say their name. Share a photograph, or spend a quiet moment remembering them privately.
You can also choose a different tradition this year. Consider what feels manageable for you and the people sharing the season with you.
There is no need to produce a perfect holiday experience around an imperfect, tender reality.
Let your plans reflect your capacity
Before agreeing to another gathering, purchase, or responsibility, pause long enough to consider what it will require.
Do you have the time? Can you afford it? Would a shorter visit help you participate more comfortably? Is there something another person could share?
A gracious answer can still be clear.
“Thank you for inviting me. I can come for an hour.”
“I’m keeping gifts simple this year.”
“I would love to help, but I cannot organize the whole event.”
These conversations may feel unfamiliar, especially if you usually make everything happen. Give yourself permission to make plans you can reasonably carry.
Bring your whole heart into prayer
If prayer is part of your life, you can bring your gratitude and your unanswered questions into the same conversation with God.
You might pray:
“Lord, thank You for the care I received today. I am still worried about what comes next. Help me recognize the support around me and take the next step.”
You do not need polished words. Begin with what is true for you today.
For more moments of prayer and reflection, discover The Rhythm of Wholeness, where you can explore guided prayers and wellness conversations at your own pace.
A quiet invitation for the season
Before Thanksgiving dinner, during a quiet December evening, or whenever you have a few minutes, open a journal and consider these three prompts:
- Something I am thankful for today is…
- Something that feels difficult right now is…
- One kind, practical thing I can do for myself or someone else is…
Let your answers be as brief or detailed as you need.
If writing helps you make room for your thoughts, explore the Journals Universe for spaces dedicated to gratitude, reflection, and personal discovery.
As this season unfolds, I hope you find moments of connection, rest, and unexpected joy. I hope there are people with whom you can speak honestly. And when gratitude comes quietly—a shared laugh, a thoughtful message, a moment of peace—I hope you have room to receive it.
What small kindness or ordinary moment has meant something to you recently? You’re welcome to share a reflection in the Dr. Bess Community. Share only what feels comfortable.
Warmly,
Dr. Bess